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AirAsia plane crashes into Java Sea
AirAsia flight 8501 crashed into the Java Sea after experiencing heavy turbulence in a storm. All on board are presumed dead.
Russian Military Maneuvers in Europe
Russian military planes have been detected in large numbers performing maneuvers in Europe. NATO responded with increased jet fighter flights, escalating tension between the cold war enemies.
Mexican Civilians Organizing
Citizens of Guerrero Mexico are demanding the return of 43 students taken away by local police and members of Guerreros Unidos. Mobs have burned government buildings and issued threats, leading to the intervention of the President of Mexico.
USA launches air strikes in Syria
The US has launched air strikes inside the Syrian border at ISIL targets and other Islamic rebel groups.
Russia Invades Ukraine
Russian forces have launched a full scale invasion of Ukraine.
US General Killed in Afghanistan
Major General Harold Greene was killed by an Afghan soldier in a meeting of top officials in Afghanistan. He is the highest ranking US officer killed since Vietnam.
Toledo Tap Water Declared Toxic
The residents of Toledo, Ohio are lining up to get emergency supplies of bottle water as dangerous toxins have been found in the cities water. The toxins are reportedly from an algae bloom in the water's source.
Three Airliners Lost in One Week
An Air Algiere passenger plane crashed in Mali due to poor weather, the third air disaster in one week with a Taiwan airliner crashing due to Typhon Matmo and Malaysia flight MH17 shot down by pro-Russian insurgents in Ukraine.
Malaysian Passenger Plane Shot Down by Pro-Russian Separatists Over Ukraine
In a seeming case of mistaken identity, pro-Russian separatists shot down a Malaysian Airlines passenger flight with a Russian surface to air missile. There were no survivors.
Israel Assaults Gaza
Israeli commandos attacked purported rocket launch sites in Gaza, while Israeli air forces expanded their missions.
Israel Strikes Hamas Target In Retaliation
After the bodies of three kidnapped teenagers were found in the West Bank, Israel launched retaliatory strikes against more than 30 Hamas targets.
ISIS Declares Islamic State
ISIS announced the territory gained in an offensive in Syria and Northern Iraq is now an Islamic state ruled by Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.
North Korea Put Two Americans on Trial Over Seth Rogan Movie
North Korea has announced it is putting two American tourists on trial for hostile acts against the regime.
Artificial DNA Introduced to Life Forms
Chemical biologist Floyd Romesberg at the Scripps Research Institute leads a research group that has, for the first time, created microbes containing artificial DNA.
Fort Hood Shooting
Ivan Lopez, a soldier with a history of mental illness, shot and killed 3 people at Fort Hood, Texas, before killing himself. He also injured 16 additional victims.
Malaysian Officials Announce MH370 Confirmed Lost
The Prime Minister of Malaysia announced that it is now known that flight MH370 went down in the southern Indian Ocean.
Russia Advances Into Crimea
Crimea declared itself independent and Russia voted to allow Crimea into the Russian Federation. Russian troops are now attacking Ukrainian military positions in Crimea.
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Chicago Police Chief Throws Blame For Skyrocketing Murder Rates
Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy appeared on a local talk show and blamed special interests and lobby groups for the skyrocketing violence on Chicago city streets. He has previously blamed Sarah Palin, and "Government sponsored racism". The actual cause is a corrupt and lackluster police presence and an ongoing gang war over territory. But blaming others is easier than making hard changes to enforce the laws already on the books.
Crazy Woman Pushes Man Into Subway Train
For the second time in a month, some crazy person has killed an innocent victim by pushing them in front of a subway train in New York. Why aren't we all calling for an end to the subway train death machine! Ban all subways!
Petraeus Finally Fired
The CIA Director holds prisoners in a high security facility in Benghazi, long after a government mandate that the CIA is not to hold foreign nationals prisoner. He then shuts down the security of the facility before removing all the prisoners. Then, he doesn't move in support to protect them when they are attacked by elements of Al Qaeda resulting in the death of an ambassador. Then he lies to the American people and Congress about why the attack happened. Not Fired. Gets caught in an affair. Fired.
Houston Cop Shoots Wheelchair Bound Double Amputee
Matthew Jacob Marin, a Houston Police officer shot and killed a one-armed, one-legged man in a wheelchair after his fellow police officer was "cornered" by the wheelchair bound double amputee. Two cops, and a man with one arm and one leg, and they can't restrain him? And what deadly weapon was the one-armed man threatening them with? A pen. Marin killed another man allegedly in the line of duty in 2009, although this man was thought to have both his arms.
United Nations Supporting Syrian Regime
As the Syrian Regime headed by tyrant Bashar al-Assad continues its assault on their own citizens in Damascus and Aleppo, the United Nations is protecting servers used by many high ranking departments of Assad's brutal regime. The servers are run under the United Nation's Development Program, ironically an anti-poverty program. Well I suppose Assad is riding Syria of poverty, unfortunately his plan is to bomb and shell all the poor people in Syria until there are no more poor.
We have all heard on the news the alarming increase of shark attacks world wide. Investigators have mentioned possible causes of the increase to warming oceans, increased human activity in the oceans, and food scarcity in the open oceans. But it's what the mass media is not saying that is the most frightening. Because while the name "shark" garners instant attention it is that other scourge of the sea and what they are doing to us that is in many cases much worse. While a shark attack can be fatal, it often only leaves physical scars, but that other sea-born atrocity can leave its victims devastated and mentally incapacitated. I am of course writing about dolphin rape. Reports of Dolphin-On-Human rape have increased by 83%, and the vast majority of dolphin rape and sexual assault cases go unreported due to the stigma of extro-species sexual contact. We must band together as a human race and stop this horrible crime. This message has been brought to you by Stop Dolphin Rape Society Of The World.
In this time of rampant unemployment and stagnant economy, I cannot believe the unemployment bureau can be so heartless. I was dismissed totally without good cause, and when I went to the unemployment bureau to get back the money I have been paying in for 25 years, do you think they gave me some? No, they told me they were backing the company's claim that is not ok to get drink at 8am until you pass out and let your dream-self do your work for you. can you believe that!!!! That is total BS, my dream-self can do twice the job I can. Damn you BlueStreak Airways!!!
OMFG It's Droughtmagedon
The big three media are all talking about the drought in the US midwest and how it is going to make food prices "skyrocket". Alright, well food prices can do that, right. Then they say it will increase by 4.5%. What? That is their definition of skyrocketing? So a $3 jug of milk will be $3.13. Yeah, you know I think my budget can take that kind of drain. Gas went up 20% last night for no apparent reason. Why aren't they talking about that?
Another Crazy Let Out on the Street
48 year old Rainer Reinscheid was arrested for serial arson, then let out on bond. Are you kidding? It's time we start making these judges responsible for their actions. How do you let out a serial arsonist on bail? As soon as he hit the street, no doubt buying gasoline and matches at the local gas station, emails surfaced from the college professor arsonist that he was planning on massacring high school students at nearby University High School. Great job judge, great job. Luckily the police re-arrested him before he could put his plan into action. At least someone there is doing their job and trying to keep the crazies off the street.
UN Arms Treaty Deadline Today
The corruption plagued United Nations reaches its deadline today, as 51 senators sent a letter to President Obama saying the treaty is at odds with the US constitution's 2nd amendment. The treaty will not affect the countries that sell arms to terrorists and rogue states, so it will in no way stop gun violence, only make it harder for the innocent to defend themselves, and for lawful arms merchants to operate. If you ban lawful sales of arms, the criminals will take over the industry and sell criminally, and reap huge tax-free profits.
Fred Willard Wanking It
Fred Willard was caught wanking one off at an adult cinema in Hollywood. I guess no one has told him about internet porn. He has been replaced as narrator of the new PBS series "Market Warriors" with Mark Wahlberg, no not Marky-Mark, the other one that does the "Antiques Roadshow"