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Dave Chappelle attacked on stage but is fine


A knife wielding man attacked Dave Chappelle with a knife but was detained by security before hurting anyone.


Bruce Willis Retires from acting


Bruce Willis of Moonlighting fame, has announced his retirement from acting due to a diagnosis of aphasia. The inability to express oneself normally which often expresses as a loss of words.


William Hurt dies at age 71


Legendary actor William Hurt has passed away at the age of 71.


Disney Buys LucasFilm for $4 Billion


Disney has purchased the rights to Star Wars, Indiana Jones and other intellectual property of LucasFilm, as well as Industrial Light and Magic and Skywalker Sound. Almost immediately Disney announced it would be making a new star wars trilogy expected as early as 2015.


Miss China Crowned Miss World 2012


Yu Wenxia has been crowned the new Miss World, 2012. The first runner up is Sophie Elizabeth Moulds, Miss Wales; and the second runner up is Jessica Kahawaty, Miss Australia. Yu is a 23 year old music student and aspires to be a teacher. The pageant was held in Ordos, Inner Mongolia, China.


Russell Crowe Lost at Sea


Oscar winning actor Russell Crowe was rescued by US Coast Guard officers after he lost his way kayaking in the Long Island Sound.


Michael Clarke Duncan Dies


Michael Clarke Duncan died Monday at the age of 54 of a heart attack. The actor first gained wide fame as the hulking prisoner with a gentle nature in "The Green Mile". He lastly starred in the canceled but excellent television show "The Finder". Duncan became a vegetarian later in life and appeared in a video for PETA. He is survived by his finacee Omarosa Manigault.


Director Tony Scott Leaps To His Death


Director Tony Scott jumped to his death off of the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, California. Witnesses saw Scott pause before climbing a fence and jumping into the Los Angeles Harbor.


Phyllis Diller Dead at 95


Phyllis Diller has passed away at 95 in Los Angeles on Monday morning. The comedienne began her career in the 1950's paving the way for future female comediennes. She started doing stand-up at the age of 40 after a successful career in advertising.


Bob Hoskins Retiring


Bob Hoskins has announced his retirement from acting on Wednesday, following a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease last year. Hoskins most recently starred in "Snow White and the Huntsman" playing the elf, Muir.


Lost Lichtenstein Found


"Electric Cord", a painting by Roy Lichtenstein, has been missing for 40 years and now is worth an estimated $4 million. It has turned up at a high-end art storage warehouse attempting to be sold by "John Doe". The painting was seized and returned to the rightful owner.


Willard Dumped by ABC


Fred Willard's improv series "Trust Us With Your Life" was pulled by ABC with two episodes yet to air. ABC will show reruns of "Wipeout" instead. This follows Willard's bust for lewd conduct in an adult theater.


Snoop Dogg Banned From Norway


Norway has barred American rapper Snoop Dogg from entry for 2 years. Snoop was caught trying to enter the country with a small amount of marijuana in June. Snoop was caught when drug sniffing dogs detected the marijuana in his luggage.


Modern Family Stars Sign New Contract


A dispute between the stars of hit TV show "Modern Family" and 20th Century Fox has been settled. 20th Century Fox announced that shooting on the show will begin Monday.


Stewart and Pattinson Break Up


Robert Pattinson has reportedly moved out of the home he shared with Kristin Stewart, after news of an affair between Stewart and Rupert Sanders. The pair met on the set of Stewart's latest movie, "Snow White and the Huntsman".




USA has all the oil it needs, why are we buying it?


There was a strike of light sweet crude, the best grade of oil (better than Saudi Arabia), in the Permian Basin in Texas years ago. This strike gives the USA more oil than any other country and its the best quality oil not the crap oil that is the product of fracking. More oil was produced in the US in 2020 than we used. So why are gas prices so high? The oil corps are selling it on the market and buying worse graded oil for us to use. Just for more profit. We could have fifty cent per gallon gas just like Iran or Venezuela and big oil would still make an obscene profit. Instead they have decided to screw America over for just a little bit more. While our lawmakers do nothing but fill their pockets as well.


the adventures of Koncentration Kamp Kamala and Joe World-War-3


The end times are nigh. Nightmare horror monkeys elected Joe World-War-3 president of the most powerful army in the world. His successor, Koncentration Kamp Kamala will take over when Alzheimer's finally takes him, and the Reich is Back! Slavery for everyone! 2+2=5!


Social media


Where people yell racist insults at each other and feel good that their brand of racism is the goodthink kind of racism. At this point I believe 90% of the posters on social media are children, bots, corporate stooges, and influencers, that is, people paid to post there.


US Senate Posts a Win


With the complete incompetence of our lawmakers and indeed every elected official on display daily, we can all now breath a quiet sigh of relief that they have finally got their shit together. they have managed to sign a law into effect that does nothing concerning daylight savings time. Still have it. Nothings changed. Never mind the imminent nuclear conflict no one in America wants, never mind the crashing economy, never mind the exploding levels of violent crime and gang activity. Go after that pesky DST and do nothing about it, but do nothing about it definitively... like a boss.


FCC Will Not Control Us


Friends you can be assured that World Wide News of the World will never allow the US government, or any other fascist organization to edit or control our content. We here at WWNotW believe the free press is the unalienable right of all men.


Chicago Police Chief Throws Blame For Skyrocketing Murder Rates


Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy appeared on a local talk show and blamed special interests and lobby groups for the skyrocketing violence on Chicago city streets. He has previously blamed Sarah Palin, and "Government sponsored racism". The actual cause is a corrupt and lackluster police presence and an ongoing gang war over territory. But blaming others is easier than making hard changes to enforce the laws already on the books.


Crazy Woman Pushes Man Into Subway Train


For the second time in a month, some crazy person has killed an innocent victim by pushing them in front of a subway train in New York. Why aren't we all calling for an end to the subway train death machine! Ban all subways!


Petraeus Finally Fired


The CIA Director holds prisoners in a high security facility in Benghazi, long after a government mandate that the CIA is not to hold foreign nationals prisoner. He then shuts down the security of the facility before removing all the prisoners. Then, he doesn't move in support to protect them when they are attacked by elements of Al Qaeda resulting in the death of an ambassador. Then he lies to the American people and Congress about why the attack happened. Not Fired. Gets caught in an affair. Fired.


Houston Cop Shoots Wheelchair Bound Double Amputee


Matthew Jacob Marin, a Houston Police officer shot and killed a one-armed, one-legged man in a wheelchair after his fellow police officer was "cornered" by the wheelchair bound double amputee. Two cops, and a man with one arm and one leg, and they can't restrain him? And what deadly weapon was the one-armed man threatening them with? A pen. Marin killed another man allegedly in the line of duty in 2009, although this man was thought to have both his arms.


United Nations Supporting Syrian Regime


As the Syrian Regime headed by tyrant Bashar al-Assad continues its assault on their own citizens in Damascus and Aleppo, the United Nations is protecting servers used by many high ranking departments of Assad's brutal regime. The servers are run under the United Nation's Development Program, ironically an anti-poverty program. Well I suppose Assad is riding Syria of poverty, unfortunately his plan is to bomb and shell all the poor people in Syria until there are no more poor.


Sharks Attack!


We have all heard on the news the alarming increase of shark attacks world wide. Investigators have mentioned possible causes of the increase to warming oceans, increased human activity in the oceans, and food scarcity in the open oceans. But it's what the mass media is not saying that is the most frightening. Because while the name "shark" garners instant attention it is that other scourge of the sea and what they are doing to us that is in many cases much worse. While a shark attack can be fatal, it often only leaves physical scars, but that other sea-born atrocity can leave its victims devastated and mentally incapacitated. I am of course writing about dolphin rape. Reports of Dolphin-On-Human rape have increased by 83%, and the vast majority of dolphin rape and sexual assault cases go unreported due to the stigma of extro-species sexual contact. We must band together as a human race and stop this horrible crime. This message has been brought to you by Stop Dolphin Rape Society Of The World.


Unfair Employer


In this time of rampant unemployment and stagnant economy, I cannot believe the unemployment bureau can be so heartless. I was dismissed totally without good cause, and when I went to the unemployment bureau to get back the money I have been paying in for 25 years, do you think they gave me some? No, they told me they were backing the company's claim that is not ok to get drink at 8am until you pass out and let your dream-self do your work for you. can you believe that!!!! That is total BS, my dream-self can do twice the job I can. Damn you BlueStreak Airways!!!